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<title>it would blow everybody's mind (if they could see just what lies behind) by inkspillz</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27465394">it would blow everybody's mind (if they could see just what lies behind)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkspillz/pseuds/inkspillz'>inkspillz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Chronic Pain, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Peter Nureyev Has Chronic Pain, implied unhealthy use of dissociation to cope, mild to graphic descriptions of pain, post man in glass</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 18:14:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27465394</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkspillz/pseuds/inkspillz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Nureyev. Peter Nureyev was a mess, hopeless and weak. He put back on the mask of Rex Glass, replaying Rex’s memories, momentarily it was better. </p><p>Then pain brought him back to Peter Nureyev.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>it would blow everybody's mind (if they could see just what lies behind)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i have chronic pain and this is my experience with it, every feeling i say peter has i experience myself. everyone has their own experience with their chronic pain so i am in no way speaking for everyone with this, just my own personal experience.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Down his back, up to his head, every muscle hurt. They burned and stung. Invisible knives dragged through some places, but unlike his own they never stopped to bleed, just dragged through like the moment repeating in time. </p><p>Peter Nureyev. Peter Nureyev was a mess, hopeless and weak. He put back on the mask of Rex Glass, replaying Rex’s memories, momentarily it was better. </p><p>Then pain brought him back to Peter Nureyev.</p><p>Peter sat up on his bed, throwing off the shirt, trying to relieve the pressure it put on him. He knew it was stupid, his clothes were so light, they couldn’t hurt him or make it worse. He threw the dress slacks off anyway. The clothes seemed to trap the pain, allow it to bounce around within their material making it worse.</p><p>Peter layed back down. His room was dark, he curled into a ball, holding his knee to his chest with his elbow. The strange feeling of the muscles stretch took over the pain, though it stilled hummed behind. Quickly his lower arm started to hurt and he felt sick as worry climbed up on him.</p><p>Diverting the pain and trying to quiet his brain, to stop thinking about it, to take it away left his brain free to roam. He worried, worried about how his pain could effect his life. </p><p>His thoughts consumed him, he only broke out of them when the bed dipped beside him. He let out a whine and pulled his knees closer to his chest, the shifting of the bed flaring all the pain he’d managed to quell by laying down.</p><p>“Nureyev?” Juno’s voice rang in the quiet room. He sounded worried. </p><p>He didn’t want Juno to see him like this, he spent bad days pretending it didn’t hurt, it wasn’t there, then came to mope in his bed till he passed out.</p><p>He’d never had a bad day around Juno Steel, they’d been between when they’d worked together previously. Now they lived on a space ship together, now it was impossible to avoid.</p><p>He sat up weakly, forcing himself to not feel the headache, not feel the pain causing it. “Juno, darling, what can I do for you?” </p><p>“Nothing. Nothing if you’re hurt. What happened? Was it something at Zolatovnas ball a few nights ago. No, that wouldn’t make sense I hadn't noticed it happ-” Juno reached out and Nureyev slipped off the bed, standing up.</p><p>He allowed himself to look at his girlfriend's face, his eye wide, rejected hand still outstretched. “Dear, I’m fine. I’ll be fine, what is it you need?” </p><p>His legs were weak today, standing on them he felt unstable. </p><p>“You’re not fine, Nureyev. You're hurt.” Juno stepped off the bed, the sports bra and sweatpants he wore distracting Peter momentarily, “I know how you look at me when you’re hurt.” </p><p>Peter's floor was littered with clothes, books, and objects from his pockets making it hard to find a safe place to step. He tried to back up, but his foot hit books and the surprise made his other knee give out.</p><p>And Juno was there. </p><p>Juno was there catching him before he hit the floor.</p><p>Juno held him tight to his chest, “Peter, please.”</p><p>“I’m a broken man, dear detective.” He whispers.</p><p>Juno, ever the angel, picks him up like a bride. He sets him on the bed and sits next to it, looking up at Peter from the floor. Peter slides his hand into his hair and he leans into it as he looks up at Nureyev.</p><p>“It’s always there, faintly. Today’s just a bad day, love, I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. It comes and goes, a gentle hum of pain under my skin on good days… Bad days are what you see before you.” Juno listens as Nureyev speaks, he doesn’t say he’s being dramatic, doesn’t say he’s faking it. </p><p>“Is there anything I can do to help, honey?” Juno asks, voice worried. </p><p>“I’m not sure… I’ve never had someone who was willing to help me through this, it’s always been yet another thing I did alone.” Peter drops his hand from Junos hair to his chin and Juno stands to meet him.</p><p>“You’re not alone, Nureyev. Hell, you’ve got a whole family out there I’m sure would be willing to help you.” Fires back on Junos tongue, making Peter smile.</p><p>“I know, you’ve changed that, doll. If no one else I’ve got you.” The pain burns, as he leans in, Juno must notice bc he’s pushed gently back against the headrest by the shoulder. </p><p>Juno smiles gently and presses a kiss to the corner of his eye as he leans over, “Duke Rose and Dahlia.”</p><p>The hum of memories from that case rushes over him and he smiles as well, his hand pulling Juno in by the chin, “No, Peter and Juno.” He kisses Juno, pain still there, but seemingly drowned out by Juno’s love.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>title is from ‘the hound and the fox’ by i the mighty!</p><p>plz leave comments and kudos this was rlly personal to write so they’d be very appreciated!! ^^</p></blockquote></div></div>
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